8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Teenager

Having challenges communicating with your teen? Experts offer tips on what not to say.

Every day, parents of teens face the tough task of setting clear boundaries and ground rules, without bossing, criticizing, or attacking. Consider some of these pointers from experts.

1. Don’t be too bossy. Teens hate to be told what to do. Parents, be sure to phrase commands, directions, and suggestions in such a way that your adolescent doesn't feel dictated to, or that you are decreeing laws. And do it with a smile and humor whenever possible.

2. Speak privately.  Try not to criticize in front of friends and siblings. A caring tone is also recommended.

3. Be constructive. Criticism should be a learning tool, accompanied by an explanation.  Make sure your words are meant to guide -- not aimed at hurting someone.

4. You should: 

It doesn't matter what follows these two words.it's human nature to rebel against them for most people, and teens feel this more strongly than most. This is the age when autonomy means everything, and that means not doing whatever a parent thinks you should, even if they agree.”

5. You are lazy: 

This will not get chores done faster. Most children are not lazy. What happens is, we wait until they are teenagers to give them chores and then expect them to be on it. Get kids involved in helping earlier, so it isn’t a big surprise when they are asked.

6. You won't be able to do that: 

Teens are hypersensitive to criticism, so try to offer a rationale. On its own, telling a teen that she's not capable is negative and hurtful. But to say, I'm concerned that you won't have the time you need to get this done well, or You'd have to make sure you learn about X Y Z to do this. Now the teen has an explanation.” 

7: You'd be so pretty/good-looking if you'd just:

Teenage life is all about wanting to be liked and seen as attractive. Be gentle if addressing appearance. Teens are truly sensitive to our criticism, no matter how hard a shell they may seem to present,since our child's appearance is nowhere near the most important of his or her attributes, we need to focus on the self-exploration and keep negative comments to ourselves.

8: What a mean, nasty person you are: 

Negative statements about a teen’s character can lead to a place of great shame, hurt, regret, confusion and anger.Try to say kind words to your teens. This helps parents learn about their kids, and restores calm while addressing grievances.